By sistering together 10 AK-180 roman candles, one hardy young fireslinger unleashes the force of some 1,800 flaming balls into the night sky in under a minute.
Sure, the pesky instructions are posted in a giant warning label on the end of these crackling pyro sticks that mentions something about setting them off while they are in the ground and you are a safe distance away, but how else can you carve souls out of thin air by following the recommended safety guidelines?
Its good that research is being conducted on how to best fight off the massed hordes of flounder people before it is too late. That lean muscle tissue is being burned into the night to make us faster, stronger and more powerful.
We have the technology.
(But seriously, don’t try this at home without nomex.)