Review of 5.11 Tactical’s Rush Delivery Messenger Laptop Bag

Soooooo, it was time to buy a new laptop aaaaaand ….. anyone remember their Miller Analogies? Try this one:

Handgun is to Holster as Laptop is to:

A) Power Cord
B) Laptop Bag
C) Keyboard
D) Monitor

The answer is B, of course.

So just as I’d buy a holster for a new handgun, I buy a laptop bag for a new laptop; and why, if I need to buy a laptop bag anyway, wouldn’t I buy a TACTICAL laptop bag? What kind of SHTFblog writer would I be if I didn’t buy a TACTICAL laptop bag to house the computer which is responsible for generating SHTF posts? A wimpy one, that’s what kind.

I did a bit of online shopping and product/price comparing and ultimately settled on – drum roll please …. 5.11 Tactical’s Rush Delivery Messenger Bag! (Guess you already knew that based on the post title, huh?) Just look at this tactical goodness:

Sexy? Make you wanna rip it open to whoop out that laptop and play? Welcome to my review!

If you want me to cut straight to the chase, it’s 3 out of 5 stars. The reason it’s not scoring higher is probably because of what I was expecting. I wanted a laptop bag that was tactical. While 5.11 Tactical states that the bag has a padded 17″ space for a laptop, it’s really a tactical bag that holds a laptop. There’s a difference. I wanted a laptop bag first and foremost, not a tactical bag first and foremost.

Let’s start on a positive note … scratch that, let’s end on a positive note. Let’s start with the negatives:

  1. It’s too busy! Buckles, snaps, straps, pockets, zippers, loops and more loops! I understand that this is so you can attached pretty much anything anywhere on it, but … I wonder how many people actually attach a bunch of stuff versus just using it as its own bag. Too busy.
  2. Velcro, velcro and even more velcro. Did I mention there’s velcro? There’s a pocket with an ambidextrous zippered pouch on the side of the bag that sits adjacent to your torso. It’s pitched as the pouch that could hold your TEOTWAWKI handgun zombie popper. I love the ambi-zipper, but beneath the zipper is an overly long patch of super velcro. I understand it’s to ensure your handgun stays hidden and in place, but if you were ever in a coffee shop and some bozo thug pulls a handgun on the clerk demanding a free cup of java, reaching for your would entail not only a zipper, but an overly loud velcro “scrrrrrrrrrtch!
  3. Price – at nearly a hundred bucks with shipping, this thing “don’t come cheap.”
  4. The laptop strap doesn’t fit! WTH is that!? Soooo disappointed when I found that out, look:

That “+” strap is supposed to reach over the laptop and velcro down, but it’s not long enough! There’s velcro everywhere, but right where I want it – it’s useless.

What do I like about the bag?

  1. I like the purrrty color (also comes in black).
  2. The bag has an across-the-chest strap in addition to the shoulder strap that helps secure it to your body without flapping all over the place in case you’re wearing it while riding a bike or running from a zombie horde trying to get sensitive zombie destruction information to Cent Comm.
  3. I do like the numerous pockets. You can store your zombie popper piece, pens, papers, water bottle on the side, etc. That’s hot!
  4. The front of the pouch takes a ……. ZOMBIE HUNTER PATCH!

Because EVERYONE knows that zombies are just a metaphor for SHTF preparedness.

– Ranger Man